He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
