Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
