Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
