OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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