Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
