just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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