How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize