My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
