she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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