i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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