So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
