I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My dick has a subreddit
Let's get the cat blown out
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
