If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
