A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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