my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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