i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
