I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
