he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It's rum buckets o'clock
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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