Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
