So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
