My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
