I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
