# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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