My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
