eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize
