His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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