oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
