I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
