I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
The feeling are messing with the penis
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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