I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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