If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Randomize
