a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
