Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
