Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(646): View more from New York

The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.

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(281): View more from Texas

what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?

Fav 41 5671 1217
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(805): View more from California

he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.

Fav 14 3153 1321
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(+43): View more from

She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.

Fav 3 1041 2597
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(843): View more from South Carolina

Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold

Fav 2 805 1790
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(423): View more from Tennessee

take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.

Fav 20 2573 1313
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(204): View more from Manitoba

Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.

Fav 24 4327 1445
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.

Fav 0 314 134
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(816): View more from Missouri

The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine

Fav 0 19 46
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