I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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