dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
