Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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