Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
