I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
