sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
