I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
