Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
