he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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