no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
