I must be too annoying 4 u.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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