I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
