I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
