it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
