just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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