Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Randomize
