I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
