ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize