U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
barbara walters just said penis...
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
