hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
