WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
