What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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