I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
