I could have mohawked her pubes.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
