Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
