i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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