I wanna bring you to show and tell
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
