I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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