Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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