I'm laying in your front yard are you home
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
