Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
