i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
