Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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