carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
The Olympian is in my bed
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