Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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